[5] Flashback: Magic Tricks

it’s summer, and i am eleven. hotte has come over, and we’re eating gummy worms and trying the magic tricks in a book his mom gave him. he shows me one he’s been practising using a cup and a coin. i gasp when he makes the coin appear under the cup (even though he explained the trick to me earlier) and then laugh as he pretends to pull it out of my ear.

‘can i try?’

‘hold on, em, i wanna do another one.’

i don’t think to just find another coin.

‘hot-teeeee! i want to try them too!’

i make a grab for the coin and close my hand on his wrist. we grapple for a moment, more evenly matched than we will be later, after he grows tall and gangly and i… don’t.

he dives off the bed to escape, and I fall with him. as we land on the floor in a heap his fist connects solidly with my face. pain sears through my jaw and I taste blood. it’s silent for one long moment.

then i scream, and hotte starts shouting, and there’s blood dripping from my mouth so hotte helps me up and grabs a wad of tissue from my desk to press to my lip. he yells for my mom and then drags me down the stairs by my hand. he talks to me as mom looks at my split lip, rambling on about some magic trick, trying to keep me from panicking. it works.

later, i’m in the hospital. i can’t feel my face, and there’s a doctor sewing up the spot where my teeth went right through my lip. hotte’s next to me on the crinkly paper-covered bed, holding my hand. i don’t know if he’s let go of it at all.

on the way home, mom buys us milkshakes. we sit on the back porch to drink them. i sip mine carefully, trying not to poke my new stitches with the straw. hotte looks at me out of the corner of his eye.

‘i’m sorry, em.’ he sounds ashamed.

‘me too,’ the freezing hasn’t worn off yet, and it gives me a lisp. ‘i’m sorry i tried to take your stupid euro.’

he nods a bit, then smiles shyly.

‘i thought you were really brave at the hospital.’

i grin at him, even though it hurts.